The Story of Shat

None such as "shit" are so ubiquitous
For constant spewage of "shit" there's impetus
But past participle's really where it's at:
For this we say: "today it shits, yesterday, it SHAT."

I'd like to share with you all the story I heard today of a girl named...Farah. She wasn't feeling too well today, and she felt kind of sick. She had gone to bed pretty early last night in order to hopefully ward of the pathogens that she felt were invading her body, before the upcoming exam period. This morning, at 8am, her alarm clock went off, disturbing an otherwise peaceful sleep. And so, grudgingly, she rose, got ready fo her 9am class with a prof who happened to be the Chair of her department, and, grudgingly, made her way to class. After battling with the sleepies for the entire duration of the class (two whole hours straight), she went home. An hour later, back to class she was going, grudgingly, of course, because this class was with a prof whose name was Milly Mong. After putting up with him for an hour, she went home again. Because Prof Milly's class had a group project component, she had to return to campus a little later. Having met with the TA she needed to meet with, and after having hung out with her friend Dandy for a little (as he tried to convince her that Paul Anka is a cool guy) she made her way home.

Listening to Foo Fighters on her mp3 player, she walked along, enjoying the cool brisk fall air. And then she felt the first drop of rain on her head.

SPLAT!

She looked around. 'Wait,' she thought to herself, 'it's not raining...' and she wiped the drop of rain off of her head.

Only, it wasn't rain. It was bird crap. And now, not only was it all over her toque, but it was also all over her hand.

So that's the story of Farah. I made it up. Totally. Based on a true story actually. Actually, my toque is drying off right now, as I write. I washed it, of course. I mean...Farah washed her toque.

A bird shat on my head.

I've heard that's a sign of good luck.