The Naked Truth

C'est la derniere chose que j'ai voulue:
Voir un tres laid homme tout nu!

Wow, that was crazy. I saw a naked man on Friday. And there were about a hundred people in the room with me.

No, this was not some strange fantasy. In fact, quite the opposite, because I do believe I have never been more shocked in my entire life. Maybe NO ONE has ever been so shocked in the history of ever. *shudder*

John, Peggy, Raymond and I went to Yuk Yuk's on Friday night, thinking that it would me a great night out, comedy, fun, laughs, and uncensored. I had no idea just how uncensored it would be. In fact, I applaud censors. I love them. I love censorship. And here's why. So the headliner was some guy named Rouse or something, and the guy is the most offensive comedian I've ever listened to. He tells the kind of jokes that you kind of nervously laugh at, and wonder if you're going to hell for laughing. Most offensive man in the history of ever. EVER, I say.

So somewhere in between the gay-bashing, profanity, "fucking like a squirrel" impression, and religious jokes, this guy managed to say something that left both Peggy and I covering our faces with shock. Mr. Comedian decides to point us out to the audience, calling us the "Asian Princesses," and noting that we'd probably go home and tell our fathers "I have seen the devil, and he is white." Then he comes at us making devilish noises...and spies another Asian Princess (i.e. Raymond). He asks what Raymond does. "I'm a religious studies major," comes the answer.

Uh-oh.

Idiot decides to tell a Jesus joke, and is met by a stone-faced Raymond, who seems to have won this round. Comedian lightly rubs Raymond's knees and says "I love you," and then (thankfully) turns away. Gee, I think to myself, looks like Raymond really beat the comedian.

Oh, not so, chap. Later on, a famous skater Eric Koston is pulled onstage and comedian wants to take a picture of him, so he goes to the back to get a camera. And returns, five minutes later, naked as the day he was born.

Yeah.

But hey hey, wait, isn't this an all ages comedy club? Why, yes it is...and so he kept it 16A by (drumroll please), somehow defying the laws of nature and tucking his package...underneath him...somehow. It boggles my logic. I remember seeing Ace Ventura (where a similar thing happened...with the tucking away of the uh...stuff) and being really confused. Ten years later, better educated in anatomy and physiology, and I still have no freaking clue.

So anyways, good thing was, you couldn't see any of the stuff from the front view. Bad thing was...he decided that turning around and bending over was a good idea. *shudder* And best thing was...he then went around sitting on audience members' laps.

I think I've been scarred for life.

Scarred...and yet strangely curious as to how he pulled it off...