My plan for retaliation

I've come to realize
It's not about the prize
Cause it's the means that justifies the ends
Then I'll worry no more
What consequence is in store
Cause my retaliation in Gerstein impends...

I've got a complaint. But unlike normal, it's not just a plain complaint. It's a complaint and a threat. A threat!

I can't stand the loud people in Gerstein. I can handle the whispering, the eating, the walking around, the crackling of candy wrappers. What I can't stand is people on their damned cell phones. Their phone vibrates (if we're lucky; otherwise, it just breaks out in song on volume level 1 million), and they pick it up, screaming "hello? I'm in the library, hang on while I go out of the room." Okay, at least their intention is good.

Only...they step out of the "room," (i.e. twenty feet away from where they were sitting) which means, they're now beside the computer terminals talking...and it's a good thing for those invisible sound barriers that separate people who are sitting down from people who are standing up talking on their cells. Gerstein was so insightful when they installed these sonic barriers. Did you know that they selectively block out all sound? They completely block out talking ONLY from people who:

(1) Are on a cell phone ten metres from their tables.
(2) Are walking to find a place to sit.
(3) Are leaving the library.
(4) Speak Chinese/Farsi/Spanish/Korean.
(5) Are stupid and loud.

It's amazing technology really. It's just too bad that the library can't install a Stupid Filter at the front doors so that anyone who is stupid or obnoxious or LOUD who tries to go through the front doors is repelled and bounces right off the force field. They're bumped off with such force that they are thrown to Knox where a sister force field redirects them to Kelly Library, where stupid, loud and smelly people belong.

Barring that, because, well, then I guess UofT wouldn't be able to call their campus "fully accessible" or some crap like that...the library patrol should get new duties. They should be armed with water balloons to throw at loud people. No worries, this is just in their line of duty: they've already got waterproof blue Library Patrol-emblazoned jackets which will keep them safe and dry.

Moral of the story: SHUT UP IN THE LIBRARY. Learn to whisper, morons.