Why Timmy's should rework the name of their promotion

Most things are good and I'm not complaining
But being an optimist's mentally straining
So though the sun's warm and the weather is nice
Allow me to whine a bit: this is my vice.

Here are my two reasons for why Tim Hortons should change the name of their "Rrrrroll up the rim to win" promotion:

(1) Tim Hortons is run by a freaking Scrooge.
All I have to say is that I have a bit of a suggestion for this giant chain which makes tonnes of money. Change the name of your promotion to "Rrrrrroll up the rim to LOSE." Because that's all I've been doing. Statistically, this is amazing. In total, the girls and I have bought around 25 cups (at least) and none of us has won even once. Odds of winning are 1 in 9. I'm not in Stats nor Probability but I can, thanks to my extensive engineering training, tell that 25 > 9. So logically, the name should be changed.

(2) Country Style promises winners.
I propagate this essential axiom of the universe: "Sarah never wins." And this is true. I don't win raffles, I lose at the casino, I don't win on lottery tickets, I don't win door prizes and obviously, I don't win at Tim Hortons. So I thought I might just suck it up and go for Coffee Time "coffee" (read: sewage water) next time they have their roll-rim-win business because every cup is a winner. And I'd like to win once in a while. So maybe Tim Hortons should just call it "Roll out the Suck-it-up and Go to Coffee Time." And then it would go like this:

Short (E): Ow! I almost died just now! I was rolling up the rim and I almost choked on the cup! Oh well, at least I won a vacation for two in Hawaii! Hey -- that's where I'm getting married...

Fob (P): What the crap. I just won a stuffed pink bunny thing. I already have one. Oh well, you can never have too many fobalicious fobby stuffed pink things. Yay!

Nerd (M): I won...a...what the...it's a fobby clock that plays fobby music on the hour, every hour. At least I can give it to my roommate, only, she already has one...dammit, all I wanted was the stupid particle accelerator. Do they even have that as a prize?

Me (S): Frick. I lost. Everyone wins and somehow I get the one cup where I don't win. Sorry try again my ASS.