Sorting Through the Hay Stack
I'm called and I can't seem to locate the source
I'm pond'ring but can't seem to shake the remorse
I'm told I am strong, but keep dropping the ball
I want what I want or else nothing at all
I'm struck. By the fact that everyone seems to be getting their shit together.
* He's on track to where he wants to build his career, making connections with the people who will help him get there.
* She's in grad school studying something that interest her, while continually discovering new things about her spirituality.
* She's in law school, having just written an incredibly inspiring post on figuring out what she wants to do with her life.
* He's on the other side of the country, having left home to commit years to doing something he believes in.
* He's so inspired by what he's learning when he talks about it, it scares me how someone could want to teach so much.
Now here's my bullet point: she's working the job she accepted as a backup plan, doing insubstantial work for a company she's not sure she believes in, all the while leaving her family and friends behind and slowly diluting her will to try something different.
Take that, biatch.
I'm a little confused because I feel as if I need to get myself back on track but I don't seem to have the time to do it. I'm even a little afraid that I'll shortchange my long term goals in the future at the benefit of furthering my current "career" and "lifestyle," which are not bad, just not necessarily what I want long term.
I feel like this career is watering me down, changing my views, and forcing the evolution of my values, all the while making me more irritable, less patient, and increasingly shallow. And I feel myself embracing it.
I've sacrificed myself too much already for it. In fact, something happened the other day that truly hit me. But that's a whole other post, I think...
It's not a bad career -- in fact, I'm pretty sure that it's someone's dream job. It's unfortunate though, because I think it's just not mine.
So how do you force yourself to create a barrier between what you do and who you are?
How do you catch a wave upon the sand? How do you hold a moonbeam...in...your...hand?
posted by tarsaye @ 8:16 AM
6 Comments:
i'm surprised it took you this long to realize that consulting is not the greatest job in the universe.
consulting has been really popular these days, but the fact is, it shouldn't be. from what i gathered from interviewing with the lesser-than-management consulting companies, it boils down to "smart" people taking the client's problem, finding a previous solution to a similar problem, moulding it into a "solution", and then running laughing to the bank.
consultants are like systems design kids: they need to take a course on what their program/profession is, and still will never be able to explain it to their mothers.
i mean, what i meant to say was (before i got on my anti-consulting tirade), some people (like me) are not suited for consulting, and it looks like maybe you are not either.
however, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the career you have chosen, in fact, anyone but me would be dying to be in your position.
i'm sure you would be very successful if you allowed yourself to be. and if you don't want to become like them, then there's always other opportunities in industry that may be closer to what you're looking for (as opposed to the years of school i think you want to do).
Don't give up yet Sarah :) It's a long, hard road to get to where we want to go (or who we want to be), and somehow, when we get there, it turns out that it's just a stepping stone to somewhere else.
This isn't the end of the road, and if this isn't where you want to be, then it doesn't have to be. We'll be behind you all the way. :)
I like that Chris had such a tirade about consulting that he had to take up two comments to do it. hahaha.
Reservations and second-thoughts and doubts come with the territory of doing and being what you want to be.
I am where I am in the snowy-city having gone through a crap load of looking back and thinking back. Not a day goes by without me thinking back to Toronto and the choice I've made.
In the end, what keeps me where I am? What propels me foward?
The Vision.
What's yours brother?
Perhaps that will help with orienting?
*shrug* or maybe I'm just trying to play-philosopher at 2am =p
Sarah Hugh. =] You've tried something. It's not for you.
Time to try something else! =รพ Identify what you want next, and do it. Search - find - change - and perhaps you'll orgasm eureka aloud one day.
That's my consultation advice for a consultant-who-doesn't-want-to-be-a- consultant-who-probably-doesn't-need any-suggestion-from-a-younger-brother- who-is-pretending-to-be-a-consultant.
Please change. If you don't - I'm going to make you talk to my friend who was a consultant turned teacher. How being a consultant when she didn't want to be affected her life - her kids - her husband - her family. She's a great woman. I actually think you should meet irregardless (is that even a word) of your choice.
There's like this underlying belief that what you do after university - is what you do. That first job or thing...seems to over-define our preception of our career.
Besides, we all don't have it all together. I talk about it so much cause I'm trying to convince myself that this is what I want to do. I've only taught for a month - of course I'm going to go crazy with it. Any job seems redonkulously awesome after a month - at least for me - except for my dealings with the "Extreme Pita" =]
hey mang. Extreme Pita was AWESOME.
SO MUCH FUN!!!
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