To: Me (circa 2002) From: Me (2006)

If hindsight is so twenty-twenty
Why am I still so unwise?
I feel as if I've gone through plenty
Yet in no position to advise

Dear Me (so young at eighteen years old);

You never got the chance to know me, but I've had the chance to watch you grow and change and develop as the years have passed by. In fact, you'll never meet me, but you will eventually learn what it is to be me, if that makes any sense.

I've followed your life so closely over my last four years (actually, over your full 18 years if we want to be exact), or your future four years, and since I know now all the things that I'm sure you wish you knew, I thought I'd try and explain a lot of things that you're only still struggling to come to terms with. It won't do any good, all of this advice, because by the time you get to read this letter, you'll be me, and you'll know all the things that I know. But I suppose, for more selfish reasons, it gives me a chance to apologize to you for not learning things earlier, and maybe also the chance to sort things out for myself.

I know you sometimes feel locked in, like school has very quickly and cruelly become your entire life, and that you're turning your back on things that are actually more "life" than school. But I want to assure you that in light of my recent last day of undergrad, the whole thing about making school your life is not an entirely bad thing. The fact of the matter was that school was my life, and I guess, for you, IS your life. But that's an amazing privelege: to be able to dedicate each and every one of your days to bettering yourself and learning and becoming more intelligent. Or at the very least, developing thicker skin. So I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that I hope you don't resent or hate your education too much, because if you do, at the end of four short years, you'll be wondering where the time went.

I have to apologize ahead of time too. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to figure things out sooner, because, and I guess you're in first year, this is going to be a tough year for you. You're going to go through a lot emotionally, both in and out of school. You're going to have to deal with a lot of things that you've never had to deal with before: death of a loved one, serious injury of a loved one (and these two are going to happen around the same time), someone's suicide, death of another relative, helping a friend quit smoking, getting drunk for the first time. And all this while trying to handle the pressures of school. And I'm sorry for letting you down, because I think that I sort of got caught up in a lot of things and lost focus for a while. I think I let you get beat and broken, and let me tell you, if I could do it all again, that's the one thing I would undo. You're going to lose confidence in yourself, and for me, that's unforgivable.

You're going to be a bit stupid. You're on your own for the first time, acting like a grownup. But the biggest problem is that you're not really ready to be a grownup. And that's fair, because I still don't, and can't have expected you to have. There's going to be some dumb stuff that you do, like the feather boa incident, and the Piano Man incident, but you'll learn quickly, and it won't happen again. Promise :)

It hasn't been all bad, though. You're going to have some really great times, too. The people you will develop relationships with will be surprising; pick the top three people that you think you'll be friends with. I guarantee you that the top three people I'd pick today are not on your list. And hold out; you'll meet someone special, you just need to be patient. But it will be worth every minute of your wait.

You will also get the chance to be responsible and grow up a lot. There will be times when your friends will need you, and you'll have to answer the call. You may not always know what the right answer is, but as long as you keep a good head on your shoulders, follow your heart and don't ignore your mind, you'll be okay. Just always do what you think is right.

I hope you're not too upset with how things are. Don't worry, it will get better. I remember what a rough year that was, and how hard it was just to get up in the morning, and keep my head up for the rest of the day.

Don't worry, you haven't lost your muse. I know it feels like you're creatively stagnated right now, but it's just because you're caught up in all that other stuff. Just take the time to breathe and it'll come back.

It's okay, because it'll all end up okay in the end. I promise. Just keep going. I know you won't lose heart.

Take care,
-me