Why meds are making me better

It's not so much a frame of mind but more a frame of reference
When pushing daily has me stepping out of bounds of preference
Standing side beside myself 'tween fearlessness, behoovement
These challenges face me toward continual improvement

I was just thinking that medicine has been really good for me. I think a lot of things in the past have been really good for me in terms of my personal development, but I think that medicine has really been good. Engineering was good because it taught me about hard work. Consulting was good because it taught me about confidence. Medicine has been good because of two things: (1) humanity, and (2) taking a leap.

I spent yesterday morning in a palliative radiation oncology clinic in which I'll be doing research for the year. My staff radonc offered to let me see patients by myself. I declined, but mostly because I didn't really know how the clinic works, but I made sure to be clear that I'd like to see patients in a few weeks when I return.

I remember this silly little mantra I started a few years ago, while working at AECL: Do something that scares you every day. The idea was to push myself daily, improving myself a little further. And it was a little fruitless, because there were few things that I could really identify on a daily basis. So while it did make me more comfortable with small things, like cold calling, or standing up for myself, the opportunities were few and far between.

But medicine...it happens all the time. I'm terrified all of the time. I'm going to hurt the patient I'm examining. I'm going to mess up when taking a history. I'm going to sound like an idiot.

But it's good for me. And I'm realizing this, slowly.